Saturday, May 14, 2005

Listen Up!

Welcome to the start of a new experience, a first in Canadian politics.

Yes, our much-reviled organization, the Librano Party of Canada (LPC), is coming out of the closet to reveal our innermost secrets.

Our competitors promise you clean government, ethics and principles. Now when, may I ask you, did those stupid ideas ever get a political party anywhere? They didn't, so that's why we feel confident in letting you and them know all about our dirty tricks, outrageous promises, and outright lies.

After all, who is going to prosecute us? The Attorney-General? The RCMP? Get with the songbook, folks. If the statute of limitations hasn't run out, we'll still be in power and can redeploy our (hidden) monetary resources long enough to make sure that it runs out.

Feeling confident and arrogant as usual, in the coming weeks we will be writing a number of chapters for our upcoming best seller, "How to Screw a Country and be Re-elected". You WILL buy the book, won't you? An offer not to be refused!

Read such exciting chapters as:

... The Art of Buying Votes. Written by one of our talented, (non-competitively) contracted staff, we will reveal our sure-fire techniques for buying your votes with your own money. You think we would be crazy enough to use our own?

... The Art of Clinging to Power. Frankly, our consigiliere had reservations about publishing this chapter, but logic took precedence. Our reasoning was that, if you can't get into power, you have no need to cling to power or need of our tips. Great logic, and the Don went for it.

... The Art of Promising. This one was a toughie to source in terms of a ghostwriter, but in the end we found just the right guy for the hit job. Still "active" in our family business, he sure is the foremost expert and practicioner in the field of election promises. We rode over the objections of our consigiliere again on this one, by convincing him that nobody, absolutely nobody, could promise like us. No competition, really, and that shut him up

.... Things That Go Boom in the Night. I have to warn you, this is going to be the edited version of the article that we wanted to write. The consigiliere put his foot down on this and, let's face it, he had a couple of good points. No one likes to shatter the veil of silence, and that's what our big boom article would do, figuratively speaking.

There's more, but we don't want to spoil it for you.

So check back often for updates and, remember, we are still taking applications for entry into our "family".

Ciao.

2 Comments:

Blogger TonyGuitar said...

This is a grand and accurate outline of the problem. Now we have to establish an NGO for emergency rescue of Canada and the Canadian quality of living. National campaign to raise funds and alarm the public out of anti-election lethargy and into a grass roots march to the polls.
An umbrella where groups like The Council of Canadians, Straight Goods, GreenPeace and dozens of others including the Pot Party, can join together for a reclaim Canada push.

Once Single Ministry account and audit and WhistleBlower law with bite are in place, our actual National Revenues will probably be reasonably protected.

The Canadian Government Standards Authority. Working in the public interest to verify that every tax dolllar, tarriff, duty, fee and token of public wealth be acoounted for.

If Cadman was not ill, who knows, he may have voted to start the clean-up.

7:31 PM, May 21, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, that's a start. It needs someone with integrity to sort out the mess and, as you say, start to put a solid foundation of governance controls in place.

My own thought is that devolution of responsibilites and tax points (formally, enshrined) to the provinces must continue/conclude. Then we will be left with a federal government whose role is minimized, without any room for games and spending our money.

The advantage of devloution, of course, is that the slimy provincial premiers won't be able to finger-point to the feds. There will be no excuses. Plus, low, low cost of operating the central goovernment for only truly national roles.

Just an opinion.

Librano Hack

10:19 AM, May 24, 2005  

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